Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. (I question that statement) After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal higher education, has ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
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P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
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P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
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P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Tags: airplane, ups, ups airplane, ups airplane humor
Leave A Reply (56 comments So Far)
Sarah
494 days ago
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
This is probably the funniest of all. The answer is simple and straightforward. Been stumbling the whole day, finally something to cheer me up.
[Reply]
C M Tanner II
433 days ago
I tell you in all seriousness that the vast majority of “formally educated persons” do in fact hold themselves to be in some way superior to a worker with no collegiate degree. I offer a few suggestions in order to help bridge the communication gap.
1. While didactic learning can help to standardize a learning process, it is no substitute experience.
2. It may not be “in the book,” but a sense of humor helps almost everything.
3. There are no “little people” and if there are, take away their hammers.
[Reply]
Peter
389 days ago
I saw this same list circulated years and years ago except that it was about navy fighter pilots on an aircraft carrier. So that tells me that the whole UPS side is fake.
[Reply]
Peter
389 days ago
Also, I know this isn’t about UPS because it talks about target radar. That is not something included on a commercial airline system. Its for what you think you would need to target something for – shooting down an enemy.
[Reply]
Robyn
373 days ago
I’ve also seen it published as notes from QANTAS airlines.
[Reply]